i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
