and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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