he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize