You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
