he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
