see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
