Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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