WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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