The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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