I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
