Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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