just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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