she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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