I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
