I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize