that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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