All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
