I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
