I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
