Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
