i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
