question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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