so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize