We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
