Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
