It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
they need to just BURY HIM!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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