google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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