her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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