Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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