Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
why do cheetos always look like penises
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
