Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
