I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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