I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
