There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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