the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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