I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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