i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We are all done wearing pants today
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
