somebody snuck up and got me drunk
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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