I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize