dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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