i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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