Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
