Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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