I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
