Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
