how can u be prego again
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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