Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
