i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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