Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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