hell yes lets make some ravioli
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
