The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
