i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she looked like the before picture.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
