the day after is always just damage control
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
