Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
