Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
