You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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