The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize