this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
