I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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