just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
