Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
