Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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