I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
