Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
