I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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