drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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