Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
