Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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